Persevere
This post is not about saving money, or coupons, or recipes, or allergies. Today this post is about raising our kids. I am going through something pretty hard right now and I just thought I would share my heart with you.
Our children left for a week long trip to camp yesterday. They have not been away like this in four years. For my son, this comes easy for him because he is an extroverted child and loves to meet new people. For my daughter though, this is one of the hardest things she has ever had to go through. She is 12.
She called late last night all in tears. She was ready to come home. No amount of encouragement from me, her dad, her best friend who is at camp with her, and her brother who is also there could console her. She is ready to come home. Do I go get her or make her tough it out? That is the question on my mind today.
In one sense, I want to rush to her side, grab her up and rescue her from these fears that she has allowed to come in. I wan to scoop her up, hug her and tell her that everything will be okay. But I don’t. What? Why? I have encouraged her to stay and tough it out. I have asked her to pull from her strength from God to make it through.
My reasoning for doing this is simple. She is an introverted child. She has a hard time making friends. She doesn’t always feel that she fits in. But I want her to learn how to overcome her fears–to face them head on. I want her to realize that sometimes, we have to put on our armor that God talks about and fight–face those fears and conquer. Yes, it might be hard at first–to put one foot in front of the other, to step out of our comfort zones and face the unknown. But knowing that God is there to give you comfort and to help you through is a blessing.
On Saturday when I pick her up, I know she will be excited to see me and her dad. But I am hoping she walks away with a proud sense of being able to trust God to get her through a difficult time. I can always rescue if I am capable of it, but I want her to rely on God’s strength for her real strength and not me.
PERSEVERE.
That is the new word for our family this week.
What about you? How would you handle this situation? I would love to hear your thoughts.
I would have done just as you have and done so many times for my children. The greatest thing we can do is teach our children to rely on Jesus to meet their needs.
You are absolutely right. It’s best that she learn how to call on the Lord to deliver her from her fears now when she’s 12 and not wait til she’s 48! Bravo for a wise mother who loves her daughter enough to allow her to build her character in a safe environment and through many tears.
I would go get her. There’s no way I’d abandon my daughter to strangers when what she wants most is the love of her family.
Oh this is SO hard. Parenting is SO hard. I think of those first few months when our babies are so needy and we are so exhausted and the biggest problem is getting them to sleep through the night.
That is NOTHING like parenting older kids. The emotional struggles are never-ending.
I was just like your daughter when I was younger. I have a very specific memory of being about 12 yrs old and being “rescued” from camp by my mom. I hated camp. I just hated being away from home.
I still prefer home to anywhere else. I love to be by myself and have the house to myself. But I have healthy, very long-term friendships. So I think I did fine.
Advice … I don’t know. I could see you going either way. I agree completely that it is important for all of us to learn to step out of our comfort zones and rely on the Lord to grow and get stronger in allaying our fears.
But … I also think it is the number one job of a parent to protect and provide security for a child. In that way, as they get older, they learn to transfer that trust and dependence to the Lord. Our earthly parents are the only “fleshly” examples we have of our heavenly father.
I’m saying a prayer for you right now. For wisdom. Every parent needs it all the time. I hope you have a very happy ending to the story, whether it happens mid-week or on Saturday.
Way to go MOM!!! It’s not easy but you are teaching her something that will stick with her the rest of her life. As parents we want to protect our children and always be there for them but we cant always be there only our Heavenly Father can be. So I’m sending a big (((((HUG)))))) because its not easy for you right now. Praying the week goes quickly and she has a blast.
Bec
Been there, done that with my oldest daughter years ago. Day 1 brought tears. Day 2 brought more tears. Day 3 brought silence. Day 4 brought a few smiles. By day 5, she was laughing, playing the games, and making her plans to go back the next year. She, also, was 12 years old. That’s a tough age for girls, especially introverted ones. Stick to your guns and PRAY. God is able to help her directly, without going through you (that was the hardest part for me—trusting that God could deal with my daughter without me being the mediator.)
It is so difficult. We went through this at Christmas. My daughter so wanted to go overseas to school. She worked so hard and paid her own way. She is an extrovert and generally manages very well away from home. Imagine our surprise when she was so very homesick and half a world a way. Then a few days later she was physically ill. Then my tiny teen was worried as she dropped so much weight. It was an anxious time.
However after a few weeks she settled down and while her exchange was not the stuff of her dreams she learned so very much and did benefit from the experience.
God bless you all.
I have a daughter who will be turning 11 this fall. She is very introverted also (at least until she makes friends). We have moved every 2 years since 1996 so that’s all she’s known. One would think that making friends would start getting easier and in some ways it has but she is very much a home body. She went for about 2 years where she didn’t even want to go to my parents house without me. We use the phrase “the night doesn’t get to dark and the road doesn’t get to long” with her all the time. She knows that we will “rescue” her if we really need to. She also went to week long camp for the first time this year. My husband took her and I told him before he left to make her get on the bus–no matter what!! When he put her on the bus, she was crying her eyes out. He felt terrible. One nice (in a way) thing was that the campers were not allowed to use the phone–if they needed us the camp had to call. We got a letter and she said how homesick she was but she had a great time–it just took a day or so to get adjusted. I agree with you that teaching our kids to rely on God is wonderful because we can’t rescue them all the time. I hope that your daughter has a great camp experience and is having a better day today.
I don’t want to be quick to offer ‘advice’ because there are just so many factors that I don’t know. I don’t know if she wanted to go and then got sad. I don’t know what is going on there that makes her sad. You know these things, and you are making a decision taking into account all that you know. However, the one thing that did come to mind is that I always want my kids to know that they can count on me. If it feels that bad to her, it is that bad to her, and maybe this isn’t the time for her to overcome this. However, I say that based on what I know about my kids. There have been two occasions where I specifically ‘made’ my daughter do things. One was to go on a 3-day class field trip when she was 11. She had wanted to go and was excited to go. However the night before and the morning of the trip she cried and didn’t want to go. In that situation, I knew all the factors, and also felt she would have a good time, so I said you have to go. However, if she had called me after she got there, I would have gone and gotten her, because I knew for her the hard part was the goodbye, and if she got past that and she was upset, something was out of the ordinary and I would have needed to go and get her. I guess my one and only concern would be that you not take away her confidence in your support of her. But like I said at the beginning, you are the only one who knows all the factors, just like I knew my daughter and her situation.
I understand your thoughts and reasoning but what if she isn’t ready. The place to go back to for comfort, support and security is home. You have provided this over the phone but sometimes we need to physically know we can come home no matter what. Yes, she will need to face her fears but by forcing her to do so only causes strife. Is this a battle you want to fight? It might be more helpful for her to face this fear in a more controlled environment. How is she at sleeping over at someone’s house. How about doing a day or two away with a youth group? By easing into it a day or two is easier to cope with than a week long adventure.
Sending a BIG ol’ Hug over to you! You absolutely did the right thing – it’s so hard as parents to not put on our superhero cape and save our children. The first 2 days away are the hardest, but she will push through it and she will come out stronger on the other side. It’s not like you sent her for 8 weeks, right? Take a deep breath, tackle all those things you want to get done with no kids underfoot, and Saturday will be here before you know it.
Wow! That is such a tough situation. I thought about what I would do if this happened about a thousand times before I sent my 10 year old daughter off to camp for the first time this year. I went back and forth on how I would deal with a homesick girl. Thankfully, she had no problems, but was so happy to see me and her dad that she started crying when we picked her up. She had had a wonderful time, but was relieved to see us!
What a heartbreaking decision you had to make. I think you are doing the right thing by trusting your instincts and your faith in God.
Jamie
Excellent! My husband and I work with teenagers, and when we take them to camp, there is usually someone who is homesick…but every one of them is having a blast by the end of the week and has learned so much about who they are in Christ. I would have handled it the exact same way!
I agree whole heartedly with you and the others. The ability to face our fears and move through them, with the Lord’s help of course, is fundamental to our future. I know my kids (10, 14 & 18) don’t always like it, but many times they discover it was much worse in their minds than in reality. A lot if times I still have to remind myself of these things as well. Persevere is a great word, keep it up.
Molly, Keep on, Girl! God has given you wisdom on this one. Twelve is an age where your darling is capable of understanding what you mean by trusting God and drawing upon Jesus for the strength for this. I assume this is a wonderful camp with trained personnel. My husband and I were in a camp ministry for several years. At this age, kids did get homesick. We had trained our staff to watch for this and how to help the young people with this. I could tell you several stories of how kids toughed out the week and had that great sense of accomplishment. More than that, their relationship with the Lord had a chance to grow differently than it would by going home. We both know that there is nothing bad about “growing” spiritually and God uses many things for this in our lives. Way to go, Mom! I know this was a hard call.
Blessings
Molly,
By now, your sweet daughter must be home! FWIW, I believe you did the right thing. She was with her brother and a good friend, and I’m sure it was difficult, but I bet in end, she had a good time and was glad she stayed (maybe you’ve already written about the homecoming . . . I’m just catching up). I’m sure you wouldn’t have sent her in the first place if you thought she couldn’t handle it.
Hugs,
Sue
I did the same thing when my daughter was at camp. She was 13. One year later, we have finished therapy and she is almost off the anti-anxiety medicine. Her therapist said all her problems started with the fears she felt at camp. She went with her school – had plenty of friends around – only it seems the counselors were ill-equiped to deal with the fears she was facing. She came home with anxiety it has taken months to get her to control. I feel my daughter was an extreme case – and I feel guilt for leaving her. But, despite it all, I do not feel I made the wrong decision hoping she could tough it out. God Bless