Frugal Family Gifts & Reader Question
Be sure and check out this article I wrote on my favorite frugal family gifts at Heart of the Matter. I’d love to hear your thoughts as well as some of your favorite gift giving ideas. In fact, I had this email in my inbox yesterday, and I’m hoping you can help. You always do such a great job of responding to reader questions!
Hi Molly,
Thought I’d ask you about suggestions for celebrating the holiday with really large families. Both my husband and I come from large families with 4 of our own children – and most of our family members are local. So, the holidays are always frustrating, exhausting, expensive, over-commercialized, etc. with gift exchanges, drawing names for both sides, meals, and time expectations. I so want to simplify and not feel forced to spend so much gift money and I don’t know how to go about making suggestions that will still appease most everyone (especially the gift giver love languages in both families). The whole gift thing is very stressful each season (probably because gift giving is last as a love language for me). And, I want to carve out time and money for the six of us – to be able to keep our own traditions and buy gifts for my own children and spouse – who usually get the short end since there’s not much left by the time we’ve covered everyone else. Gifts ideas for parents would also be helpful.
Any suggestions or things you’ve heard that other large families do would be greatly appreciated.
Warmly,
Jennifer
Yes please. The other article was very helpful. I loved the ideas. The second part of what she addressed is time. I’d love to hear how other people handle this.
Last year, my parents were going out of town for the “real” Christmas (I live very near my inlaws, my parents, my BIL and family, my brother and his wife, and my SIL’s family!), so the Friday and Saturday before Christmas, we designatead as Christmas at my parents. We did everything like it was Christmas, stayed the night on Christmas eve, opened stockings, had our traditions. We really forgot that it wasn’t really Christmas. It was wonderful. Then on the real day, we were at my husband’s family home and had no need to quit relaxing and enjoying one family and run out the door to the other. This year, it isn’t going to work that way. I’m already dreading the stress and moving around and who gets what of Christmas day–plus, we have our first baby!
Anyone else have suggestions?
Dear Molly,
Love your blog!
I have a large family too, but I am focusing only on the children instead of the adults. I have been saving plastic peanut butter jars all year, and I plan to decorate them, cut a hole in the tops for piggy banks, and fill them with candy and maybe other small treats. These can be personalized by painting names and including notes of love for each child mingled among the candy. For those that have not been saving peanut butter jars, canning jars would work well and look nice. Homemade Christmas candy, cookies, or make-a-mixes in a nice jar would be appreciated by the whole family.
Hope this helps!
Rebecca
I totally feel like I could be writing these notes! I am really worn out from the commercialism of it all and the expectations that we attend every single Christmas function. When I was younger we always got together with my dad’s side of the family on Christmas Eve and my mom’s side on Christmas Day. It worked ok, and I never thought about it. However, I think this must be something that started in my generation. At least I know that my parents didn’t go to their grandparents on holidays. So each side of my family wants to get together, plus my parents want a seperate time for just us. Plus my husband’s side of the family wants to get together…. you get the picture. There is always this gift, gift, gift mentality everywhere we go, and at some of these places there is a dollar amount set…basically much higher than we can truly afford. Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy giving, but I want it to have some thought in it and not to be doing it b/c that’s what’s expected. Thanks Molly, for the great “family gift” ideas. We are definitely doing some of that this year. My kids are also going to be making a bunch of their gifts. They are at the age now that they can actually do something that will be useful and appreciated. As far as the get togethers, we just decided to instill “tough” love. We try very hard not to go anywhere on Christmas. We stay home, watch new movies, play new games, put together models or something of that sort until my husband and son have to feed cows. There are people who complain about it, but we are at peace with our decision. We will plan to be w/ his family (parents and sibs) on Christmas Eve and my parents and sibs on New Years. We might get together w/ my dad’s family depending on the date b/c that is really the only time during the year we see them, and that get together is much more fun and laid back. Everyone brings one fun gift and we play that game where you can take a gift that was opened or you can choose another one. It’s inexpensive and a great time. We have asked people to please not buy so much for our kids this year (many of our kids have birthdays this time of year as well!). We realize that they enjoy seeing the kids get all excited and have fun that day, but they DON’T see the kids when I have to battle them to put it all away. They don’t see the kids’ frustration when they don’t know what to do with all that “stuff!” We’ve suggested that if they want to get them something they get them tickets for a museum or something, and get it for themselves, too. Then we can all go enjoy that together when the busy time of year slows down. It’s hard, I know. I was raised with the craziness and trees loaded down with goodies. I enjoyed it, no doubt. But I sure don’t remember most of the gifts! I want Christmas first of all to be a time my kids really reflect on what God has done for us…not that I don’t want that at other times of the year. I just want their perspective to be proper. I also want to make lasting positive memories. Let’s face it. They will have memories. Will they be good or will they be of stressed out irritable parents and everyone getting sick shortly afterwards b/c of being worn down?
Wow, I guess I’ve really rambled. This is something that’s really been bothering me a lot, though! So know that you aren’t alone in this! Then just decide when enough is enough. It’s true that many people aren’t thrilled w/ the decisions we’ve made, but it’s a matter of deciding what is best for you as a family. Sometimes suggestions don’t make their way through the toughness of tradition and they fall on deaf ears. That’s when the decisions just have to become “this is what we’re doing. Period.”
I wish you the best, and I can’t wait to read other comments!
We, too, have struggled with excessive expectations from certain relatives regarding our time during the holidays. While we love and appreciate our extended families and everything they do for us, we realized we simply cannot continue the mad rush-around anymore. We don’t want to spend our holiday strapped into a seat belt, running around trying to please everybody else. One tip I have for others who may be struggling with the need to develop their own traditions in their own homes with their own children is this: consider having this conversation with your extended family well in advance. I did it during the summer a couple of years ago. This way, you can talk calmly, before the emotions and expectations of Christmas come into play. One thing we tried that seemed to work OK was telling everyone that Christmas Eve was reserved for us and our daughter. We would not be spending time that night with any friends or extended relatives. This was protected family time, and we asked everyone to respect that. Amazingly, they did. We then decided that we would alternate between my husband’s family and mine for Christmas Day. Odd-numbered years we would be with my family; his family got the even-numbered years. The family who didn’t “get” Christmas that year, we would see a couple of days before or after the big day. Now we have had to come up with something different. We have moved a few hours away, and my husband’s new job will generally require him to work Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, or both. So, we have decided to visit relatives the weekend before Christmas. Each family will receive one day (either Saturday or Sunday). Even those of you with relatives living closer might find this strategy helpful. It really does take the pressure off everyone when we don’t feel we have to cram everyone in on Christmas Day! In our case, we have to spend time in three places–my family, his family, and the nursing home where my husband’s grandparents live.
I have found that while people may complain at first (remember, you’ll always be your parents’ baby!), everyone adjusts quickly, as long as you and your spouse stand together and stand firm.
Sometimes you can save money and help save the environment by expressing your feeling with gifts that reflect your awareness to being green and living a eco lifestyle. By doing this you are walking the walk and talking the talk . So maybe making hand crafted gifts of any type would be cheaper and more appreciated the store brought gifts. Think homemade crafts there are a zillion cool ideas on the internet. I love gifts that are good for the body and soul and our Mother Earth.
Homemade gifts are such a wonderful tradition in our family. Each year, for the women in my family, I make bath salts and bath milk. Throughout the year I save pretty jars and bottles to put them in. They are so easy to make and you can personalize with scent and color to match each person’s decor. They LOVE this and even asked for it after the first year I did this. For the kids, I put together a craft box with several ideas of things they can make with the stuff inside. The kids AND their moms love this one. You can get ideas at Family Fun or a million other sites and just put scraps of felt, clay, crayons or markers, yarn, or any number of things you probably have around the house into a shoebox you have decorated. Include a print out for a couple of craft items that you have included all the ingredients for. If you put extra stuff in it, the kids can use their imagination to come up with things to make. The men in my life are always harder to gift but food usually does the trick!
Several years ago we asked extended family to stop giving gifts to our kids and maybe consider a family gift (if they must). It did not go over well with some & they ignored us..others gave us checks, some gladly gave family gifts. We explained how over whelming Christmas was, and we wanted the focus on Christ..that we’d also love gifts of time (cookie making, playdates etc..)…we had 4 then and now are waiting for the arrival of # 8…Each child could recieive 25 gifts each x 4 (now 8!!) We also set the example by giving family “theme” baskets : a game & goodies or snowman making kits with cocoa, movie card with popcorn & candie etc, tickets to the Theatre (plays), museum passes…some aren’t as frugal as others but mostly they were not more “stuff” to store take care of etc…We maybe spend 10-20 dollars per family. They represented to us time & memory making..not future cleaning, or decluttering…Overtime, I think it has been a blessing, My mom is one a fixed income, and two of my sisters are single mom’s..Our children receive one gift from My husband & I, and one from the siblings (so 2 gifts total). The gift from the siblings are homemade, usually from our workshop/sewing/craft room stash…and often repurposed. Prior to Christmas we have workshop days to make things (frankly this is the true gift)..We vary the sibling gift making on a 3 year rotation…one year girls give to boys/boys to girls, one year all work on a gift together for each, and the third year they draw a name & do secret sibling style…Becuase they like to give to one another we try to focus individual gifts at birthdaytime..and we don’t do friend party’s so it’s not overwhelming then to get a gift from each sibling…
I think this year most of our family is making Christmas gifts. I even had a friend mention that she’s only doing baked goods for gifts this year. The economy has been rough on everyone, so hopefully most people will understand the need to cut back. One thing you could do is offer the gift of time. Offer to babysit, clean your loved one’s house, fix their computer, clean out their gutters, detail their car or take down their Christmas lights for them. This gift is especially appreciated by folks like my husband and I who have chronic illnesses.